A-B-C of my "Driving"

Tiny Me: C for Car! (Yes, I only knew that much about a Car when I was a Kid)
Teen Me: Someday, I want a car of my own(Like the Red one in the picture)!
Earning Me: I need to start taking a driving lesson soon!
Car Owner Me: Why everyone conspires against me on road? Walking is much better! 

I have fantasized about driving a car for a long time. No selective Model or a style. It was just the idea of driving a car on my own. When I was growing up in a small town in India, a car was a luxury. In those inspirational speech sessions, my mom used to say "If you study well now, someday you will have a car of your own". Or, if I scored less on some exam, the idea was still the same, just in a different tone "You will never get to drive a car of your own if you continue to score like this." So yeah, a car was always the reward I was looking forward to.

I planned to take my first driving lesson, a few months before my marriage from "Jai Maruthi Driving School", in Bangalore India.I was thrilled with the notion. Before my first class, I practiced holding my imaginary steering wheel tight in my hands and whirl it with full force. I did not have a car at that time. On my first class, my instructor arrived in a white Maruti Alto. He asked me to get in the Driver seat and my first reaction was "Are you Serious?" It struck me for the first time, I would be responsible for the car, my driving instructor, all the people on road and certainly ME. I was horrified! My palm turned red and sweaty. Nervously, I struggled with the seatbelt and finally, my instructor intervened. 

After settling down, my instructor's first words were "Let's learn ABC of Driving - A for Accelerator, B for Brakes and C for Clutch. That's all you need to remember about driving." That's all? The next 30 minutes was a battle to decide where to put my feet strategically to handle that A,B and C. I don't understand how people are okay with this basic flaw of a car design! How 2 feet can take care of 3 things at a time? Or, maybe people like me were not comfortable with the Idea and that's why the concept of auto-gear popped in? Anyway, on my first few days of driving how I wished  I was an Octopus! 

Those days were challenging!  The first difficulty was to start the car. The next was to keep the car moving and to avoid stopping in the middle of the road.  I had always believed that constantly twirling the steering wheel is the key to driving. But when I actually got a steering wheel and demonstrated my practiced skill, my car started moving zigzag. My instructor from the passenger seat jumped in to hold my wheel steady and shouted on top of his voice "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I was scared and I panicked. I removed immediate my hands and feet from the car. And yes, it stopped abruptly in the middle of the road. People were honking and shouting all around me. I felt like opening the car door and run away from there. But again, my instructor was constantly nagging "Start the car!" I was frozen at that spot.The only thought that was flashing in my mind was "I am not going to drive again!". It was a nightmare. Slowly, the traffic passed me, people left and I started the car and came back home. 

In the next few days, the car stopped many times in the middle of a busy road. But I learned to ignore my surroundings and again start the car. There are a few benefits to learn driving in India. The driving school cars, hold a big banner on the top of the car displaying someone is learning. So, usually, the other people on road get cautious. Also, the instructors have a control on Clutch and Brakes on their own feet and they pretty much control the car. So yeah, I too learned "Driving" in a few weeks. Being certain that I can drive, I decided to get my driving license a few months later. In the meantime, I got married and got busy in life. Then one day, I got a call from "Jai Maruthi Driving School" that I need to appear for my Driving Test before my leaner's license expires.  So there was I, ready to get my Driving License without touching the car for 4-5 months. Was that my confidence in my driving skills? Not at all! It was my full faith in India's ill-famed corruption. When my turn came, the exam officer insisted to sit in the front seat. That meant, my driving instructor could not control the Clutch and Brake. Reluctantly, I got inside the car and started it after a few tries. It started moving slowly. I drove a few feet down the road and then the Officer instructed to reverse and park by the side of the curb. I put the reverse gear on and rode directly on top of the curb and parked it nicely there. My instructor who was sitting silently on the back by this whole time started screaming to stop the car. The Officer who was sitting in the passenger seat ran away even before the car stopped. Well,  I was proved wrong about the corruption in India and I was denied driving alone on road.

After that incident, I forgot about my dream of driving. We got a car. but, I preferred my passenger seat.I had more important things to do. I had to take photos. I had to correct my husband's faults during driving. Ohh yes, I was totally occupied. 

After a year or two, once again that driving bug started bothering me. I again enrolled myself in another driving school. After 3 or 4 classes I came to know about my pregnancy and I discontinued. Was there any reason for that? Absolutely not! It was just another excuse. After my daughter was born, we decided to move to States and I knew how difficult it is to survive in the US without driving. That's why I decided to take a class a third time. This time, I managed to convince my friend to accompany me and we decided to learn together. We took the class at the same time in two different cars.  We waved at each other excitedly on the road when we met as if we were meeting after years. Both of us knew all the rules of driving. It's just that we did not have the confidence to hit the road. This time, I completed my lesson and somehow managed to get my first driving license. My friend already had one. 

On moving to the US, the challenges were different. I had to unlearn what I had learned. But the rules and the auto gear were blessings for me. Finally, I got my driving license. Well, that's a different story to tell.Now, I am eligible to drive alone on road. It was a long and terrifying journey.  Still, I am scared of highways. I don't let my steering wheel go. I never eat or drink or sneeze while driving. However, I can ride a car. If you are scared to drive, you are not alone my friend! But "don't let the fear of what could happen to make nothing happen!" Some roads are beautiful and some journeys are rewarding.Sit behind the steering wheel and you will feel a fear.Don't let that fear to be the driving force in your life. Learn the A-B-Cs of driving and keep riding your dream. Then finally, a day will come when you will notice that anyone driving slower than you is an Idiot and anyone going faster than you is a Maniac! Live for that Day!

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Eat, Sleep and Netflix

"I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
You don't own a TV? What's all your furniture pointed at?"

Does that sound familiar to you? Okay, how about this one?

"But it hurts my Joye's Apple.
For the last time, it is not named after each individual man."

Context: They were talking about Adam's Apple. Still, not sure? And here goes my last clue.

"Everyone is getting married or pregnant or promoted. And I am getting coffee. And it's not even for me."

Yes, I am talking about "Friends(F•R•I•E•N•D•S) ", the 10 season series which was first aired in the 90's and still it is aired on some or other channels daily. Every time I browse through TV channels, I stop for "Friends" and for a good laugh. You can even catch some funny moments on Youtube. 

I was first introduced to "Friends" by my husband. He had the 10 seasons in CDs. Though, he had lost one or two of them. Thus, first time, I watched the show without a season in the middle and the entire last one. I was curious to know what actually happened in the end. So, I again started watching on Netflix and completed the entire seasons. Till then, I watched many shows and yet "Freinds" is my all-time favorite. 

I watch Netflix, just to relax. I am fond of the shows where I don't have to use my brain. I like comedy, drama or the one with beautiful vivid backdrops. Adventure, Superheroes or any kind of violence is usually not my forte. So, here goes my list of Netflix Series for you who enjoy lucid comedy or light-hearted drama.

1. F•R•I•E•N•D•S: 

I think "Friends" is one of the most popular TV shows of all time. The story begins when Rachel runs away from her Wedding and meets her childhood friend Monica. Soon, they become roommates. Monica is a chef and Rachel starts working as a waitress at "Central Park", a Manhattan coffee house. Rachel joins Monica's Friend circle which consists of Ross, Monica's elder brother, Chandler who is Ross's friend, Joye who is Chandler's roommate and Phoebe. Ross is a Dianosarus Doctor(ummm a Paleontologist). No one knows what Chandler actually does for a living. But he uses his humor whenever he is nervous. Joye is a struggling actor who loves to eat and does not share his fries with anyone. Joye is popular among women with his catching phrase "How you doing?" Phoebe is a Masseuse in a massage parlor and loves to sing "Smelly Cat". I still can't decide who is my favorite among these six Friends. I think, people just love them as a combination and not individually. 

2. How I met your Mother:

Another Manhattan-based story which started airing in 2005. However, I watched it much later, all the 9 seasons together. The series revolves around Ted an architect, in flashback, narrating his children about how he met their Mother. In his story, he introduces his friends Marshall- a lawyer, Lily(Marshal's wife)- a kindergarten teacher, the playboy Barney and the news reporter Robin. 
The series has numerous elements of humor and drama. But I had a feeling that it is dragged a bit in the later seasons. Overall, a fun watch.
Recently, it is removed from Netflix. But I am sure it can be streamed from some other providers.

3. Gilmore Girls:

A woman-centric series with a colorful background. The show centers on the life of two girls - a single teen mom Lorelai and her daughter Rory. They live in a small beautiful town named 'Stars Hollow', which is fictional. It portrays beautifully the contrasts of the mother-daughter relationship in a witty and intense background glazed with some ambition, family clashes, and romance. The series has 7 seasons and its a perfect mix of humor and drama.

4. Switched At Birth:

Again, a family drama with a slightly different plot. Two girls in their teenage discover they are switched at birth by mistake in the hospital. Since then, their lives turn upside down. The story revolves around these two girls, how they get adjusted to two different set of parents. One of the girls turned Deaf due to some medical issue in her childhood. I learned about ASL(American Sign Language) for the first time from this series. This show has 5 seasons and the last one being aired in 2017. 

5. Royal Pain:

This series is based on concierge medical practice of a doctor and his life and family. This series started in 2009 and has total 8 seasons. I started watching it because it already has 8 seasons and I find it distressing to search for a series every 3-4 days. The protagonist of this series is Dr. Hank Lawson who was an ER Doctor in New York and was wrongfully terminated. He moved to Hamptons for a weekend trip and eventually settled down there with his brother, practicing 'house call' medicine. 

I prefer to complete a series and then start a new one. While picking a new series, I search for something offbeat and thus ended up watching a few series in the different genre. Below are the other series with an unconventional kick and pace and I actually loved:
6. Crown
7. Sherlock
8. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
9. Quantico
10. 13 Reasons Why

Every time I start Netflix, I agree with myself to watch only one episode and then get back to work. I click on the next episode and whisper "Just another episode!" and end up watching a few more. Netflix is an addiction, an equally dangerous one as my craving for sweets. Why there is no Anti-Netflix patch available like a Nicotine patch? I would happily wear one. Or, there should be some App where I would fix my Netflix time and once set, no matter what, it should be unalterable. Wow, that can be a new Business idea! Till that idea hits the market "Happy Netflixing Guys!!!"

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'School Romance' in the 90's

Today morning, I was driving my daughter to her school pre-school. She just turned three and started her pre-school. Before that, she used to go to the same Montessori, but toddler class. We used to even call that 'School'. On getting promoted to her pre-school, she started believing that she is a 'Big Girl' and school is only for babies. So, whenever we talk about her school, she corrects me “Mamma, that is pre-school, not school. I am a big girl now!” So yeah, we were driving to her pre-school and she was continuously babbling about how Mr. Sun was still sleeping and her car seat was cold and it's evening or morning and so on. 

With the onset of winter, the morning was cloudy and a bit foggy. It rained last night. So, the streets were damp. Everything looked gray! I am not a big fan of winter in the US. It makes me gloomy. I was driving a little absent-mindedly while responding to my daughter's chit-chats. I saw a bunch of school goer kids at the intersect, trying to cross the road. I stopped to let them cross first. It was a mixed group of 6-8 kids of different ages. They were all talking and giggling and wearing some bright and interesting dresses and hair. Soon, my gloomy morning turned vivid. Some of them were on a skateboard. They crossed the road without even noticing me. They reminded me of my school days and it was so different.

Growing up in a small suburb in India, in the 90's, in a middle-class family, my childhood was simple, yet remarkable. There was nothing in excess. Still, we were content. We had to wear uniforms to school. My dad used to take me daily on a bicycle. I sat in the front until I started riding my own cycle. I went to a co-ed school. In India, there are schools only for boys and only for girls. Mine was for both. The primary classes (Class I to Class V)started from 6:30 in the morning with a Prayer, a particular song which we had to sing daily. Classes from VI till XII were at noon. There are so many memories that are flashing through my mind today. The classroom, the blackboard, the desks, the playground and certainly the school romance.

The "School Romance" was very different, back then. Even in that age of no phone, mobile, Facebook and Whatsup, there were a bunch of macho boys who loved to imagine themselves as a Hero in a Movie. Though the access to movies was limited, a weekly interaction with Bollywood was of plenty influence to those days of puberty. They wore the newest shirt they got on some festival, took their manly ride out( a Bicycle) and stormed around the town in search of their "Soulmates". They got skilled with practice. There were a few formulae to impress a girl.A Bicycle stunt or a love letter or just following a girl to get noticed were the top amongst all. Love letters were a troublesome job and also it had to be creative. Spellings and Handwriting were the biggest hurdles to cross. But who cared about those spelling mistakes if there were a few cute Hearts in a letter? The most popular ones are "I Love You" with some hearts - an easy and effective solution.

I Love You...

The Bollywood fever had even stricken some girls. The count of Love Letters and the number of interested Romeos buzzing around were some factors to make a girl "pretty" and "popular". The style is an all-time favorite weapon for girls. Given the lack of exposure and supplies, they had to do the best they could with their limited awareness. A pretty face was not enough. Girls started walking on roads as they were walking on ramps. Uniform was a MUST to our school. So, they folded and pulled the socks down to expose some skin and the boys got clean-bowled by their finesse. The girls always got to choose the Winner and flaunt the "love of life". The heart-broken and failed Romeos felt humiliated and totally perished until they saw their next "Soulmate".

What was the parent's role in all these dramas? Mostly, the parents were unaware and dead against. That made the whole idea more lucrative and just an exact scene from a movie. If the kids got caught somehow, they had to start a revolt to prove how much they were in love. But most of the time, a tight slap from their parents was enough to cure the "Loveria".

Well, there were also some kids like me. Discovering all those romantic stories from my class, my mom sat with me one day and explained how inappropriate it is for a kid at that age. It was a clear threat that if I became a part of a story like that from my school, I would be disowned. But, that warning was not at all necessary for me. It was me who was scared to death if a boy followed me home. I was always an introvert. So, making friends with some unknown boys was not my forte. 

One day, a boy threw a paper at me, on my way back home.I let it fall on the road itself and biked faster. It was not me being rude. It's just that I did not know what else to do. Then another guy, whom I had seen a couple of times before, stopped me on my way back from school. He started explaining how he was not able to eat, study and sleep after he had seen me. I asked him all concerned if he had informed his parents or if I should tell them.He got offended and left. My winner story revolves around a guy from my painting class. I used to attend a Painting class, every Sunday afternoon. I walked alone to the class since it was just behind my place. There was a boy who made me feel uncomfortable every day by doing or not doing something. He used to wait outside the class and followed me to the class to take a seat somewhere near me. Soon, I started spotting him everywhere I went. In the class, we had to remove our shoes before entering. One day, while leaving, I wore my shoes and felt something soft. I saw that guy standing nearby. So, I wore my shoes in a hurry and walked home. On reaching, I removed my shoes and discovered a Red Rose inside. I took the crushed rose and threw it and went inside. It happened again for the next consecutive weeks. Maybe, he was expecting a response while I preferred to ignore. Realizing that his innovative idea was not being praised enough, or even noticed, he decided to confront me. Well, it did not go well and he scared me off. So, I decided to let my parents know about it and the rest was history.

It's so incredible how such small silly things take up the most room in our heart. I still remember so many stories from my childhood. Though it looked stressful that time, it puts a smile on my face today. I can't stop thinking about those golden days, those friends, those not-so-friends and my school, where most of my beautiful memories were created.

My School

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Netflix Shows - My Super-Sensitive 3 year's Favorite

"Deep in the hundred Acre Wood, where Christopher Robin Plays,
You'll find the enchanted neighbourhood, of Christophers Childhood Days!"

Underneath a beautiful "Apple Sauce" sky, there was a green carpet. It was skillfully decorated with flowers and butterflies and there started the story with "Once Upon a Time..." Yes, that's how "Pooh's Hefallump Movie" started. My three-year-old daughter was sitting silently with me and her Dad. I somehow managed to convince her to stop watching her favorite "Wheels on the bus goes round and round..." and give the movie a try. It started with a background narration and the beautiful wood, sunshine, birds and how everyone was happy like "Tumbly full of Honey". Then the background voice goes Deeper to describe how everything got changed when "The Stranger Came" and there was a backdrop Trumpet sound. My daughter shudder "what's that?" she asked with an alarm. I told her "Its nothing, it's an Elephant". She moved closer to me. The movie continued with cute Pooh sleeping and again another Trumpet which startled sleeping Pooh and my wide-awake daughter equally. We had to turn it off in 4 minutes when my daughter started crying shutting her eyes and ears. 

My daughter spends her whole day in a school. After coming back home in the evening, she eats her dinner and then after some play- study-color sessions, she takes her bath. Next, she gets her screen time. She watches her regular "ABCD" songs while we finish our dinner. She always favors her nursery rhymes and I am so tired listening to the same songs for years. I wanted to introduce some new shows, but nothing works out since she is too frightened watching those alone or even with us. So, her Netflix shows are restricted to only those which "makes Oli laugh laugh" (Oli is my daughter's nickname).

So, here goes my super-sensitive daughter's favorite shows on Netflix for 2-3 years of age group:

1. Little Baby Bum:
Little Baby Bum (also known as LBB) is a Youtube channel for kids of lower age group. This channel portrays the traditional nursery rhymes in 3D animation videos which are very colorful and entertaining. 

2. HooplaKidz:
HooplaKidz is another YouTube series and an educational website for pre-school kids. In Netflix, this show has only 1 Episode and we watched it again and again.

3. Mother Goose Club:
Mother Goose Club is the first show she started watching in Netflix which involves some humans, though the songs are the same old Nursery Rhymes. The kids sing and dance with the old nursery rhymes and my daughter also stands up and tries to imitate the big kids. She looks at them as her role model, surprised by their dancing skills and how beautifully they sing.In Netflix, there are only 2 Seasons and we have watched it several times.

4. Word Party:
Word Party is Netflix Original and the 3rd Season is added recently. It stars four young animals, "Kip" a Wallaby, "Bailey" an Elephant, "Franny" a Cheetah, and "Lulu" a Panda. The songs are super catchy and my daughter just giggles and dance when they are having a "Word Party" after they learn some new words. There is a Tickety Clock which tells what time it is and the adorable kids act accordingly. They just love to sing, dance and play. There is no adventure or anything scary and loved by my daughter.

4. Sarah and Duck:
Sarah and Duck is the adventures of Sarah, a little girl with a green hat and her best friend Duck. There is a background voice which narrates the story, talks to Sarah and her Duck. The adventures are fun and not at all scary. There is 2 Season in Netflix. I too like watching the small episodes and can't stop myself from giggling.  

5. The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Other Stories:
This series is just like the Book by Eric Carle. The first story is about a green baby caterpillar which hatches from an egg. He is very hungry and eats a huge quantity of food. He does not feel well. So he spins a cocoon in which he remains for the following two weeks. Later, the caterpillar emerges as a bright and beautiful butterfly which looks just gorgeous. The series looks quite different from the other shows. It is like a beautiful painting. I was not expecting my daughter to like it. But, she liked it somehow and was quite worried about the green little caterpillar. 

6. Pocoyo:
This small episode animated series is recently added to my daughter's watchlist. The main character of this series is a small boy "Pocoyo" who wears blue clothes. He is accompanied by a pink elephant "Elly", a yellow duck named "Pato" and a "Loula" a puppy. There is a background narration voice which speaks over the entire show. The stories are all about their day-to-day life and how things are going on with or around the super energetic Pocoyo.

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#MeToo - My tiny contribution to a bigger cause

I saw a post on Facebook which states "#MeToo... Several Times". I was confused. What is that all about? I ignored and I forgot about it. A few hours later, I saw another post with the MeToo hashtag. I did a little google and got some idea. I thought for a moment: "Should I or I should not?" I decided on negative. I decided to do nothing. I have more than 300 friends on Facebook and I saw the Hashtag only 5times, till now. So, I guess, all of my friends think alike!But what are we thinking?

I assume #MeToo is a movement to understand the magnitude of sexual assault or violence. But, wait! What the Data says here? Only 5 out of 330 of my friends have voiced their concern which is just 1.5%. So, how are we going to infer on the degree of this problem when we do not have the real data?

I was born and brought up in a small industrial town in India, in a middle-class family. Most of the time I was accompanied either by my mom or my dad or my sister. Still, I have experienced Fear, Embarrassment, and Anxiety. I did not know about sexual harassment. I just knew that I was encountering that behavior since I was a GIRL. Oh Okay! Now, I have learned that even MEN can be a victim of Sexual Violence. But, as per my culture, my upbringing and my life, I have never seen a guy getting a crude comment on the road or getting elbowed in a bus. So yes, all my views and perceptions are based on a small-town girl who has lived through this.

The town, where I was brought up, is SAFE for women. There are no incidents of sexual violence, at least nothing that we are aware of. We never stayed out at night. There was no scope either. But there was the culture of guys assembling in a club or by the side of the road for chit-chats, infamously called "ADDA". There were different 'Addas' for different age group and different sets of people, at different places. Even, the purpose is different. I have always seen those "Addas" as the gathering for the street-side-Romeos. They sit there to tease passing girls with their comments, whistles and gawk. I remember, how I used to stop breathing for those few seconds if I had to pass by a "Romeo" group. I hoped that if I could stop my breath for a few seconds, I could let those stare and comments pass by. But how stupid an act was that? Do you call that a Sexual Harassment? I did not know! Still, I am not sure. And, I bet many of my friends still don't consider that as a Sexual Harassment and that's why no #MeToo.

When I completed my school, I moved to Kolkata for my college. The first time, I was all alone in the city. I was the shy girl from a small town. I have stayed at a paying guest and also in a hostel. I have traveled alone. I studied in an Engineering college where girls: boys ratio was 1:10.I have lived through the sexual assault everywhere and every day. I have experienced men of all age hovering on me on a crowded bus. I never understood what a perverted pleasure a man gets feeling hard in a bus full of unknown people and letting a girl know that she is the reason. I have felt anger, humility every day. I had planned on raising my voice. But most of the times, I couldn't. I got down before my stop and rode another bus and bought another ticket. I walked to my stop, many times. I was ashamed to talk about it. I was embarrassed to make a scene out of it. I practiced many times to protest. But, on the crime scene, I was silent. I knew it was not my fault. But, I was never taught to stand for myself. Do you call that a Sexual Assault? I did not know! Still, I am not sure. And, I bet many of my friends still don't consider that as a Sexual Assault and that's why no #MeToo.

I completed my degree and started working. I promoted myself to a taxi or an auto since I was getting a good amount of salary. But, that heinous act did not stop. I was still a commodity to stare at. I still heard nasty comments. I was still touched. I learned that a man's distorted behavior does not depend on age or education or the dress a girl is wearing. It's an illness and it can infect anyone. The guy who was trying to touch my boobs in an auto, hiding his hand under his bag, worked in the same MNC where I worked. I tagged that man as ILL. I took a rickshaw to my home from a nearby railway station on a sunny day. I got down at my home and took out my purse to pay that above 50-year-old man. "Your pant Zip is open" the man commented with an evil smile on his face and pointing out a finger. I was flustered. I did not know how to react. My ears turned red in pain and mortification and anger. I threw the money at him and ran inside. Even, After 15 years of that incident and 12,601KM away, I am struggling while writing it down. Still, I don't understand what sadistic pleasure he got with that comment. Guess what, I was wearing a salwar suit that day. Do you consider all these incidents as Sexual Harassment? I did not know. Still, I don't understand and sadly that's why a no #MeToo.

Today, I do not travel in a public transport. I am married. I stay in United States where I drive. I do not encounter a harassment in my daily life. But I am a mom of a Girl and I know it is my responsibility to protect my child. I know, I can't be with her every time she hears a sexual comment. She will have to win her own battle and figure out a way that suits her nature, her judgment. What I can do as a mother? I will tell her "You are not supposed to encounter any sexual harassment since you are a Girl!"  I will teach her not to run away. I will make her believe that she should never be ashamed of an act of some other person who is sick.

I too dream of a world without a Metoo hashtag. But the reality is, it's just an ideal world and far far away. Instead, we can concentrate on preparing our girls to fight for it and our boys fight too for the same cause! Stop this Pink and Blue distinction! Put an end to this Car and Doll differences! Raise them with same values and love them equally and just as a "Home Sapiens".

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Pink or Blue - Which color are you?

I went to a neighborhood park with my daughter. She was insisting on me riding the slide, while she would wait on the bench. I was trying to convince her that it should be the other way around. During our heated discussion, a man walked in with a cute baby in a stroller.

I whispered to my daughter "Look, a Baby!" 

My daughter, on top of her voice: "Baby, Where?" and then on noticing the man and the baby, she added: "Ohhhhhhhhh!"

The man smiled and I asked casually "a girl or a boy?"

He looked offended and snapped "Hey, look he is wearing blue! Obviously, he is a boy!" 

I was embarrassed. In that few seconds, I didn't notice what the baby was wearing. I flashed my apologetic smile and asked: "How old is he?" He replied sternly, "Almost a month now!" I beamed and took my daughter to the slide. The conversation ended in a few seconds but a thought lingered in my mind: "Why is it so obvious?" 

That's a girl and she is wearing Blue!

I  never noticed this color discrimination until my daughter was born. My childhood was colorful like a rainbow. I wore all the colors and I love Colors. I never knew that a girl has to like shades of pink and a boy means blue. There were no branded stores or media to put that idea in my mind. But when my daughter was born, I stepped into a popular branded baby store and I was surprised. The shop was divided into three sections - pink on one side, blue on the other side and a few white and yellow in the center. The soft shades of pink and blue looked exquisite. But, "Where are all the colors?" I wondered. 

Now, my daughter is three years old. I see pink everywhere - her clothes, jackets, shoes, bag, her tricycle, her car everything is either pink or purple. Even, she had asked for a pink cake on her Birthday. How did that happen? I didn't plan for this.I am just a victim of the color-gender pairing that is dominating the market and even people's mind. I bought so many blue rompers for her when she was a baby. I had to pick that from the boy's section.  I used to look for any color other than Pink. If it is Blue, so be it. I wonder, what she would have told me if she could speak at that age!

"Mamma, I am a GIRL and I like Pink"

My choices are limited now. Besides, I can no more pick from the boy's rack. Most importantly, I have to dress up my daughter for school every morning. So, I try to play it safe and do not experiment much with her dress when she believes Pink is her favorite color. A three-year-old's judgment is clouded and I will try to help her see through it. But what about those parents, who believe that too much of pink can change a boy's sexual orientation. Honestly, I have never seen a baby boy dressed in a pink suit. If you see a baby wrapped in a soft cuddly pink blanket, what would be your guess about that baby's gender? How would you react if your son declares his favorite color is Pink?
I am worried how deep it is routed. How would parents let their child make their own choices when they are biased? How would a child express his/her likes and dislikes if those are not approved by their own parents?

I don't see a reason behind this gender stereotyping. I like Pink! But I like a Blue too. I do wear Blue all the time. And I believe most of the women wear different shades of blue. But I hardly see men wearing a nice pastel shade of Pink. Even, I have never gifted my husband a pink shirt, nor my dad. What's wrong with us? How can a man's manhood be challenged, just wearing a color? It's core inside the man and it can't be dictated by the color they wear or the car they drive or the sports they watch or the drink they prefer.

So, wake up moms! Dress your girl in a blue shirt with a cute little dinosaur or a car. You don't have to buy the princess diaper every time. Let her explore the car diaper, it is equally effective. And for the boys' mamma, it is okay if your boy does like Pink or a fairy. The last thing that you can buy in a store is a man's manhood! So, Why do you bother?

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Potty Train a Toddler

"Congratulations! Shreyanvi is now potty trained and is eligible to get promoted to the preschool."

The week before my daughter's 3rd birthday, her class teacher handed me the above note. I smiled nervously "Really? Is she?"

I read lots of articles and blogs on how to start or when to start and how to practice potty training. I think each and every parent takes an approach that suits them best. Our strategy was a simple  "Wait until she is ready".  We could not try the steps of 5 days plans to potty training. We could not keep her diaper free because:

• On weekdays, she goes to a daycare and she has to wear a diaper until they confirm that she is ready 
• On weekends, we spend most of the time outside home and we could not take the risk

So, we took up a stress-free plan that suits our terms. We didn't rush her or us. So, here is my Steps to Potty Training:

Step-1: Switch to pull-ups: 
Once she turned 2 years, we switched to pull-ups from the regular diapers. She gradually learned to pull it down or pull it up like an underwear. She liked to pick her own design - a princess,  a car or a lion. 

Step-2: Potty Training Seat:
We bought a potty training chair before she turned 2. However, we never used it. I was not sure if she gets used to that chair, how would I practice her to seat in a regular toilet. It is not so convenient to carry it every time we leave home!

One day, I tried to take her to a regular toilet and she was scared that she would fall. She was nervous, she screamed and it looked fair! So, we decided that first, we need to make sure that she can sit comfortably. We got a potty training seat. It fits perfectly in the regular toilet and thus she can sit easily without the fear of slipping in. She didn't complain and got comfortable sitting there on her own.

Step-3: Regular visits to the toilet:
We started taking her to the toilet after she comes back home from her daycare. We made her sit there whether she peed or not. She sings her rhymes, tells her ABCs and 1-2-3 and we just wait there patiently. If she pees, we do high-fives and claps. Till now, we do the same. In the meantime, she started sitting on the toilet in her daycare and she got used to the concept and understood that it is a part n parcel of growing up. She was excited that she was not treated like a baby anymore and she is a "Big Girl"!

Step4: Underwear and No diapers:
When she was around 2 and a half years old, I bought a pack of underwears for her. She was super excited that she got to wear "pantoos" (yes, that's what she calls her underwears) like big girls. She was adaptive and willing to the concept of going diaper-free. On weekends, we started to put her without a diaper at home. But, while going out, we used a diaper. Sometimes, she used to tell us before a pee. But few other times, accidents happened. It felt like 'We were almost there, but not totally there'. 

Step5: Trust your kid:
We spend a lot of hours outdoors on weekends and I am always scared of using a public toilet. It is not always clean. I was looking for some ways to keep her diaper free, even if we are out. I saw some disposable potty seat covers in Amazon and I ordered. It looked amazing and safe, but expensive. I have to take her 4-5 times to a toilet and it seemed not-so-convenient. I started checking out again and the next idea I got was disinfecting wipes. We kept a bottle in each car and one in my bag while traveling and it worked pretty well. It fits my budget, easy to use and most importantly keep me worry-free. 

Then, one day, in her daycare, her teacher told that we can send her without a diaper. She spends most of her time, when she is awake, in a daycare. Unless they encourage her to stay without a diaper, she cannot be totally ready. I was waiting for this green signal for long. Then, after a few days, her class teacher handed me the note that "She is Ready."

Even, today morning, I repeated to her like a mantra "No pee or poo in an underwear". She understands, she repeats and until now, we are doing good. I am not worried anymore. We have come a long way without much efforts and I am confident that we will be reaching that goal soon enough. If an accident happens, I am prepared. 
I carry an extra pair of cloth.
I carry my disinfecting wipes.
I take her to toilets every two hours or when she asks for it.

So, to all the parents out there who are planning to start a potty training program for their kids or who are already in it "Just be patient and pick up your own pace!" Somewhere I read that "No child ever went to her proms wearing a diaper" and it is so true!!!

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How to stop bottle feeding in toddlers?

My daughter turned three on 3rd of October.  It was a busy fun-filled foody week. A friend with his family was visiting us. Their one-and-a-half-year-old son reminded me of my daughter at that age.  He was full of energy, dancing and jumping around. But when it comes to food, he just shut his mouth off. Playing some video can distract him for some time when his mom pushes a few spoons of food into his mouth.  But, after some time, he is hungry and cries for his bottle and milk. Even, at night, he wakes up multiple times for milk.

Watching them, I was wondering how the story repeats at every house! My daughter was really addicted to milk in her bottle. She used to wake up at night every two-three hours and I always questioned when I would get my sleep back. She needed her bottle to get back to sleep. 

When she turned one, her doctor suggested to stop using a bottle. It was tough! She didn't eat much and whenever she was hungry she used to ask for milk. I tried a straw cup. But she didn't like it. She cried her heart out every time. I complied after some time, thinking that she might be really hungry and would give it a try the next time! Well, you know, the next time didn't arrive for another 6 months.  

Then, one fine morning, I woke up determined and took all her bottles and put those in the trash. That’s It! It was that easy!
The next course of events was as expected. She didn't eat much. She asked for milk. The milk arrived in a straw cup. She asked for her bottle. I told her that I was not able to find any of her bottles. She searched. She cried. She didn't drink her milk. She got hungry. She ate some food instead. 

That night was difficult. She cried for milk. I and my husband took turns to soothe her. She was not able to get back to sleep and was irritated. She screamed, She yelled and at one point, I questioned my judgment. I thought I should not have thrown her bottles away. After crying for a few hours(That's right!), she got tired and she slept. We were terrified for the next night. 

Next night, she wept for some time and then she slept and it was not that bad. Well, it took her 3-4 days to realize that she won't get her bottle how much she cries. After, a few nights, she started sleeping 5-6 hours at a stretch. In the middle, if she woke up and cried for milk, I had just given her some water in her straw cup.

For a kid, it is easy and convenient to drink some milk and stay full. They tend to avoid eating and chewing because, you know, it's a lot of work! Moreover, they know if they cry for some time they can get their way out! They are pretty smart! Kids, like us, have a sleep-wake cycle at night.  For adults, we can get back to sleep without any aid. But, for kids, they need to learn that skill. Usually, they rely on feeding or sucking to get back to sleep. That's why they cry for a bottle. We sometimes have mistaken it for hunger. Believe me, they are not crying for milk because they are hungry.Even, milk at night can cause tooth decay.  And more milk they drink, less food they will eat. 

So, how to get your toddler give up a bottle? It's simple! Give up your weakness. Throw away all the bottles, so that you won't give up when you kid screams for his/her bottle. Well, that is my reality. It took us a few nights to get rid of bottles. But, it worked like a magic! Now, my daughter drinks her milk in a normal open cup with a straw; And on some days, she holds a cup in her tiny hands and drinks right away.

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A Lipstick or a Smile - What you wearing?

I am not a Lipstick person. I love colors. But somehow, I don't like it much on my lips. It is said that they can tell a lot about you from your Lipstick Color. Well, what can they tell if you are not wearing any? Let me guess, "LAZY?"

I have always wondered how the lipstick stays so perfect and intact for some people. Do they eat or drink? Do they breathe?  If I put on a Lipstick and I promise myself not to smack my lips or get tempted by the fruity flavors to lick my lips, I can make it for an hour. After that, I always wondered, "How it gets vanished?" If it disappears totally, I feel better. But for most of the time, it stays there half naked to mock my inefficiency. So, my answer is 'don't wear a Lipstick if you can't pull it off'.

However, I get attracted to the lovely display of colors at the Makeup aisle in the stores. I don't wear it often. Still, I get drawn to those colors. I always wondered "WHY"? I think a Lipstick is the best way to fake fancy. A little color on lips can speak a volume. This weekend, I stopped again in one of that colorful aisle in a store. But, this time, my soon-to-be-three-year-old girl accompanied me. She was way more excited than me, seeing all those pretty shades of pink and purple. She assumed that we were doing crayon-shopping for her.  She loves colors. For a few days, she is doing a lot of paintings. Oh Yeah, if you can call this an art!

She was running up and down the aisle choosing colors and I had to tell her that it’s not for her, but for Mamma. She was surprised and disappointed. She narrowed her eyes and asked, “ You want to do color Mamma?”I replied “No, this color is not for paper. I will put it on here” and I touched my lips.Assuming that I touched my teeth, she inquired wide-eyed “This is your toothbrush?” I was busy looking for some lip color and I just replied “NO” without paying much attention to her. She poked me and asked again “This is your toothpaste?”

I just snorted and that did not discourage her. She thought for a moment and asked again “You are going to eat that Mamma?” 

I understood that unless I answer her inquisitive mind, I had no rescue. So, I showed her a picture and explained: "See, I have to put this on my lips like this". She assimilated the new piece of information and asked with all her innocence "Why Mamma"? I opened my mouth to answer and I stopped uncertain. Shall I tell her "to look pretty" when she believes that she has to wear a smile on her lips to look pretty? 

Hundreds of thoughts, questions, and answers clouded my mind in those few seconds when she was looking at me for an answer and I was all silent. Finally, I gathered all my wit and responded nervously and expecting more interrogations "Lipstick is like a Lollipop for big girls. It can bring a smile on our face even when we are sad. A smile is all that is needed to look pretty". She just nodded her head and replied "Oh! Okay" with a smile, as if she knew that answer long before and went back to her own world of running down the aisle. 

I felt so relieved getting off the hook from my daughter's series of questions. I smirked to myself as I realized "Why I get drawn to those colors when I don't wear it often".

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Why I am so hungry...ALWAYS?

I bought my  Fitbit Charge2. I had set a target of 8000 steps daily and I was meeting that target almost every day. I reduced sugar! I walked a lot and Boom! I lost 4-5 pounds. I was exhilarated and even inspired. I checked my weight daily in the early morning and there was a loss of at least few ounces each day. My weighing scale was all happy and grateful until one day when I realized my weight is stuck. I  followed the same routine. But there is no more change. "What went wrong?" I wondered. I checked for a few more days, but nothing much changed. 

I checked if I missed out something:

8000 steps daily  ✅

Drinking 8-10 glasses of water ✅

Lemon-Honey water in empty stomach in the morning✅

"What's next"? I questioned. The answer came rushing from everywhere "Restrict your food intake". Yeah, that's right, the process is usually known as "Dieting". But I had checked that word off my dictionary long back. I recall reading a phrase like "First Name HUNGRY and Last Name ALWAYS" and I just shouted all excited "Ohh, that's me!" So, to cut on my food was always my last choice. But, when I tried out all of my options and nothing seemed work anymore, I thought of giving it a try.

The first day I decided to go easy on my meals, I tried Salad, a super big bowl of veggies, adding sufficient cheese, dried cranberries, and nuts. I made a face, chewed for long and when I finished eating, the lettuce was still there glaring at me. 2 hours from lunch and I was hungry again! I felt the strong urge to nibble on something. "How am I going to reduce weight when I am so Hungry!" I pondered. Then I did what I usually do, I googled. I just wanted to see if it's only me. I felt better seeing that I am not alone in this. I got to know that there are products in Market which can actually reduce your appetite. Seriously?! I have to eat something to reduce my urge to eat something. Well, that is ironical. I checked for reviews, price and searched for side effects. I was not convinced.

There were some suggestions out there that we can confuse our appetite for thirst. I liked the idea. I had a glass full of water. 30 mins down and I was again hungry.So, I took another glass of warm Lemon-Ginger Tea. By 4:30, I had a sour mood and was annoyed. Why I am so hungry...always like that Very Hungry Caterpillar? I had to eat something and I end up with some cookies. Bad Idea!

Next day, I avoided Salad deliberately and ate some grilled chicken and veggies. I had a hard time saying "No" to fries, but I did.The day went better. I was feeling good that I didn't give up to fries and besides I was not that hungry.So, I decided, I will continue eating what I ate before, will reduce the portion. It worked for me! Slowly, I reduced the portions and in between, I had plenty of water and tea. It was not that difficult.

So, my take on this is food and eating is a habit. To change a habit drastically can be traumatic. But what we can try is to change that old habit into a new one. It may take some time, but it is easy to follow. I eat a whole breakfast and go easy on lunch and then eat my dinner early. In between, I nibble on some nuts or fruits with lots of water. It took some time. But, it helped to reduce additional 10-15 pounds and soon enough my weighing scale showed the difference.

Before

After

A BEFORE and AFTER picture is mandatory and here is mine. But I am not quite sure if this is enough to justify my point. I stopped taking pictures when I was not fitting in the frame anymore. I have reduced the frequency, the portion, and the cravings for food. And, yes I am no more hungry. But today, after reducing a total of 20 pounds, my weighing scale is stuck again! Now what? Do I need to win my another fear and hit the Gym? How to improve my metabolism? Will I be able to write a post some day on how I reduced another 10 pounds by working out in Gym? Well, that is still a dream, a dream that I may wish to live.

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